Reality of a Toxic Relationship

I have been somewhat silent on my new blog for a few days because I have struggled to find my voice on here. After much soul searching, listening to podcasts, and writing in my head I came up with a new approach to my blog that will help me through my journey as well as possibly helping others with theirs.

Honeymooners

“In the beginning everything was this rush. A rush of happiness like the strongest drug imaginable. Endorphins surging through your body telling you this is right, so you go with it”(td)

The beginning of a relationship, the first 6-12 months, can’t really give one any kind of indication of the person. People need time get to know each other in order to feel comfortable enough to let their guard down. Even though you feel you know everything you could possibly know about one another you truly can’t know what their subconscious hasn’t let out yet. Ladies, if you two can’t poop in the same house you don’t know each other yet.  So while you are in the beginning there are a few things you should remember to hold dear so that you can wait until you know him truly:

  • Use Protection – Many things can happen like babies or other unspeakables don’t rely on the pill or him pulling out because children deserve the best.
  • Don’t Move In – Wait to move in until you have at least known each other a year and really see a future with this person. You don’t want to wrap yourself around him financially unless you know
  • Don’t say the “L” word – that word is a powerful statement and can rarely be measured in a moment. There are people (my brother) who can meet their soulmate in a “zing” as Dracula would say lol. Wait until you are sure sure and know everything there is to know about the person
  • Somethings are better left unsaid – you don’t have to be an open book, he isn’t and he probably will never be. There is a time and a place for stories and personal thoughts and within that first year you don’t know fully that you can trust him so hold dear some things and don’t spill it all
  • Remember you are strong – don’t allow weakness to shine through when you have been strong your whole life. Women are strong, even when they don’t think they are
  • Don’t lose yourself – it is so easy to become consumed in the us and the him that you lose yourself and may not be able to find you again

The Change

“Once the dust settles and reality sets in you can truly see, just hope it is not too late because a whole new person could lie within, yet to come out”

One day he comes home from work and you made his favorite meal and you cleaned the house after also working an eight hour day, the unimaginable happens. He walks past you without a hello and tells you he doesn’t really like that meal and please stop making it, he will go to Mcdonald’s for dinner tonight. He then walks into your room and says why is there a sock next to the hamper instead of in it, you never do anything right. You can’t believe that is all he says after you did everything tonight. You must have hit the basket and knocked that sock out when you were rushing to greet him hello. You shed a tear and apologize profusely, it won’t happen again and you will be extra diligent next time. He walks off with his phone in his face to do music or watch tv and not speak to you until it is time for bed.

Slowly it starts to get even worse and more and more he criticizes. There is no more loving kisses and warm embraces unless you cry and beg. He doesn’t notice you or give you what you need anymore. You start to feel all alone and empty and blame yourself because he says it is all your fault. Haven’t you ever wondered why no matter how much effort you put in or how much work you do it never feels like he will change? I have news for you, he will never change. He knows what he is doing and is doing it quite well. When reality sets in that no matter what the same results keep happening will be about the time you are done. The heartache is too much and you don’t have any fight left in you. It starts to get old when every fight and every word is turning against you. Not just when you mess up but when he messes up and it becomes your fault because you reacted. God forbid he take responsibility and “Man Up”. In reality that will never happen because your relationship has become toxic. The good times are fewer and farther in between and your tears flow more often. You wonder if you will ever be treated good and start to believe when he tells you it’s your fault and you are the sole person to blame for everything. Listen up ladies because we are going to talk about how to overcome this and not continue to allow this type of behavior.

Wake Up

“The worst part is knowing all the good that you had in the beginning, and it is gone”

At first it will feel like the world is over and you try for embarrassingly too long to admit and may even have kids or property together. You have to realize that your attempts to hide it from everyone, including your kids, are futile and you aren’t fooling anyone. It really is as bad as you feel it is and it really isn’t all your fault. He is a master manipulator and knows how to work you.

Once you make the conscious decision to put an end to it you will start to feel better. You need to put focus on you because if you aren’t good how can you take care of yourself, your kids, pets, and whatever else you may have? If you decide to put a stop to the crap you will be surprised at the changes that will ensue:

  • You will stop binge eating and could possibly lose weight
  • You smile more
  • You focus on your home again
  • You focus on your family
  • You stop fighting because there is nothing to fight for any longer
  • You start to feel hope again

Remember it is possible to overcome this and the pain does ease, all you need is time. Please stay tune for some additional posts I will be putting out there about ways to see the real him, what this does to the children and ways to get the you back that you miss. These are just a few of the new series I am going to be doing on realizing when he loves you and when he is using you.

Does anyone have any stories they want to share or questions for me?

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