Day 6: Writers Challenge – Mind, Body, and Soul
Day 6: Stop everything you are doing! Congratulations on making it through the first week. After today you can say you are one-fourth of the way through this challenge. Today let’s focus on narrowing down what we want to write about. Instead of saying I am going to write a short story today, say something like, today, I will write a short story about a girl who confronts her demons. That way this will create an actual, tangible goal. Narrowing down your focus will also help you focus and not appear to be all over the place. Tomorrow we will start to hit the ground running, but this week we have focused on growing your skills, setting time aside to write daily, and to focus on what you want to say. I hope you enjoy my blog entry. I challenge each of you to take part.
Today was just like any other day in the Ledger’s household. Trudy would wake early, never having to rely on her alarm. She would lie in bed, taking in her surroundings for a bit before starting her day. It was different for Trudy, there was a routine that had to take place every day. This helped her stay grounded and the darkness at bay. She glanced next to her, laying beneath the blankets curled, facing the opposite of her, was her husband. They had been together for three years now and married just two months. Married life was not what she expected. She watched him for a little bit longer, noticing his steady deep breathes as he was in a deep sleep. His blonde hair was a mess. He was always a rough sleeper, not one to wake up looking perfect. He was the one that looked perfect after the shower. She loved that most about him. It was as if she held this secret alone with him.
She refocused on her surroundings. Though the room was dark, there was a glow from the street lamps that lined the street. The sun hadn’t quite come up, and she could smell the aroma from her coffee pot she had set the night before. This time was the best time of the day, and she loved to become lost in thought with a mug in hand. She sat up and stretched slightly. Her floors were hardwood and adorned with a fluffy faux tiger rug. She slipped into the bathroom as quietly as she could. Unlike other days, her stomach was not allowing her to stay in bed longer, like usual. She turned on some water and tried her best to stay quiet as she retched the acid in her stomach. Try as she might, she knew today she had to take a test. Her stomach was tight, and her breasts were sore. She had missed her last period, and she knew this could be a possibility. She also knew she could not have a child, and she didn’t want them.
Growing up, she didn’t have the best upbringing. Her parents were consumed with drugs and finding drugs. They rarely remembered to feed her, and she had to learn early on how to take care of herself. At the age of twelve, child protective services showed up and took her away. Her parents had been arrested earlier, during the raid of a known hot spot. At the last moment, her mom screamed, my baby is at home, and she needs me. It was her last-ditch effort to keep from getting arrested. The cops were smarter than that and placed her in the back of the car. They sent a caseworker and attempted to make right the wrongs her parents had done her whole life. The problem was she was too broken, too old, it was too late. The damage took place for too long, and no foster home could change her.
Lucas knew from the beginning she didn’t want kids, and he seemed disappointed but resolved. She hadn’t revealed everything but enough for him to understand it was bigger than just being a mom. Trudy had convinced herself that she didn’t know how to be a mom and would never be a good one. She needed to make an appointment with her doctor. Trudy wanted to take a real test as well as make plans to end this before Lucas found out. She knew he would convince her to keep the child, and then she’d fail just as her parents failed. This burden would be her burden to bear. She needed to ask her doctor how to prevent this from happening in the future. Even if that meant she tied her tubes, at least she could sleep at night knowing she didn’t put a child through hell.
Trudy didn’t have periods regularly due to the birth control she was on, she could be months along and not know it. She wasn’t a big girl but her tummy was starting to push out enough to think it was more than 1 or 2 months. As she sat on her window seat in her dining room with her coffee in hand she let herself think about all the what ifs. The question was could she be better than them? She wasn’t sure if she could. There are times her depression and anxiety take over and she is in bed for days or crying at nothing. Its been like this since she was in foster care. She had been to many therapists and no one could reach her.
As the sun rose in the sky, she looked up doctors and prepared breakfast for her husband. She would go in as soon as he went to work. He didn’t stay around in the mornings. He never got up early enough to visit. He would wake up late and run to the shower hurrying the process. He would run downstairs and grab his thermos, scarf down his toast, and run out the door. She giggled because she heard him, like clockwork, running from the bed to the shower. She hurried up to ensure he didn’t decide to stay around today.
As she was washing the dishes, Lucas ran into the kitchen. He kept to his routine and then surprised her by wrapping his arms around her from behind. Her husband kissed her neck before running off to work. He was the VP at a tech start-up, and he was always the first one in and the last one to leave. Once he left, she calmed her nerves. It had to be her imagination that his hands lingered on her belly, almost possessively for a moment. She shook it off and started calling doctors to get an appointment.
Trudy lucked out and got an appointment for an hour from now. She rushed to get ready and leave. Suddenly her stomach said no, and Trudy was in the bathroom emptying the contents of coffee and toast from earlier. She decided to throw something on and start to head there. With that, she took one last glance in the mirror and headed out to the doctor to make a big decision. She wished she was capable of being a mom. She hadn’t noticed her hand draped across her stomach, protectively.